Thursday, June 25, 2009

Here to stay, just like Herpies























So I'm sitting in work, the system we work on are uselessly( is that a real word?) slow. It's MLK day, nobodies in work so there's no one else to shoot the shit with via email. So I start starring at the ceiling and it dawns on me that I have blog I've been meaning to get back to.

I've tried to keep to a format were I wrote every so often to keep the blogs a little longer and backed my options and ideas up with facts, which took research. Well I don't have time for that shit anymore. So if I have something that I deem blog worthy, it's going on. A lot like the way Jake Delhomme plays quarterback. I have a ball, fuck it, I might as well throw it and see where it lands. I'm still going to try to stick to a weekly format but things may just pop up on here mid week as well.


I'll start with the news this week that Taliban militants wearing explosives vests went bonkos in the middle of the Afgan capital city Kabul shooting up shit and blowing shit up like they do best. But something doesn't see right. Just the other day Martha Coakley told me the Taliban and Al Queda were out of Afghanistan and U.S. and N.A.T.O. forces should just leave. So the question is, whom could of carried out this brazen act of terrorism if the Taliban isn't in Afghanistan. Someone should hire O.J. to find out the real killers.

I still really can't believe Scott Brown won. That goes to show you, if your a cunt, even a cunt that's made it somewhere in life, there's going to be a point in time when society calls you out on being a cunt and it's all downhill from there. That's what happened to Martha Cuntly.



















Is there anything worse for those of us that work in an office than the broad that comes back from vacation. You got to hear every little detail even though you never asked for any of them. Then she says "The weather was nice, but it got colder at night...." OH IT WAS COLDER AT NIGHT WHERE YOU WERE!!? WHO WOULD OF GUESSED THE TEMPERATURE WOULD DROP WHEN THE SUN IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING PLANET. WOW I THOUGHT THAT ONLY HAPPENED IN BOSTON!

I think I may be on board with this Armageddon in 2012 shit. All the signs are there. The Earth is so unstable, itself and it's people. Earthquakes, Tsunami's, human greed and ruthlessness, the Jets going to the AFC conference finals. Seriously it's all falling apart.




























My heart just aches for that Tila Tequila.It's been a rough few months for the poor darling. First this summer Pro Bowl Linebacker Shawn Merriman gives her the "Lights Out!" treatment. Now her fake lezbo fiancé' od's and croaks. Poor kid just can't catch a break.





























This football season couldn't of worked out any worse. One of the Pats top 2 rivals is going to the Super bowl against either twatface Farve or Chocolate city. Fuck


Finally, something me and President Obuma agree on:


Denver Public Schools are for some reason apologizing after a school's menu read: "In Honor of M.L. King." "Southern Style" chicken, collard greens, sweet potatoes and peach crisp"
The districts web site states: "The plan to serve a Southern-style meal in recognition of Martin Luther King Day" and that's exactly what they did. What's the big fucking deal. Dr.King was in fact a Southern man, a Southern black man, whom I'm sure as shit ate "Southern Style" chicken, collard greens, sweet potatoes and peach crisp. It's ok for every restaurant from her to Timbuktu to serve corned beef and cabbage on St.Patrick's day. No one gets offended, everyone just pretends they like it and orders it.

A pretty cool story to come out of the Haiti disaster:

Junior Florestal left Haiti when he was 13 for a better life in the United States. He long promised to return, but it took an earthquake to bring him back.
Florestal is one of at least three Haitian-American paratroopers in the 82nd Airborne Division helping get sorely needed food, water and supplies to survivors of the magnitude-7.0 earthquake that shattered this capital city last Tuesday. His unit learned it would leave the following day, giving Florestal hope he could both bring aid and track down dozens of relatives living in Port-au-Prince and in villages surrounding the capital.

"I was ready to go that day," he said. "When I was watching it on TV in the States, I couldn't wait to get back here and help out."

Florestal joined the Army in 1996 and has served twice in Iraq and once in Afghanistan. He's fluent in Creole. Since arriving Saturday, he has been translating for officers who coordinate relief efforts from the division's base on a hillside golf course.

"It helps to have someone with a similar background," said Capt. John Hartsock, who has been overseeing food distribution with the Fort Bragg, North Carolina-based division.

Quake survivors implore the soldiers in halting English for more food and water and for medical help. Florestal responds in Creole — and surprised Haitians waiting in lines slap him on the back and shake his hand.

"They feel good that there are Haitians in the U.S. Army," he said.

When Florestal hasn't been working as an interpreter, he's been asking quake victims if they have any information about his family. On Saturday, he walked up and down a makeshift barricade, questioning those waiting in line for food.

Amazingly, he found one of his cousins, who told him most of his family survived.

Later, he called his mother, who had been crying and still unable to reach any relatives in Haiti from her Orlando, Florida, home. She was overjoyed to hear that her sister and brother were alive, he said.





Fun Fact: Samoan boys are 56 times likelier to go to the NFL than American boys.

Now without further ado, The Gootch's B's Report

Glad to be back, Its almost the half way point of the season and the Bruins have been up and down all season and have been ravaged with injuries all season. Lucic, Savard, Bergeron and now Sturm have all been injured They have yet to play with there whole team intact and healthy yet this year and they have hung in there but lately they are showing signs of the injuries taking its toll. Luckily the injuries have not been major and will be getting everyone back but they still lack offense, their goaltending and defense has been very solid all season but you cant win scoring 1 or 2 goals a game. Chirelli has to make a move to get some offense and to push the guys they already have, its time we move some draft picks and prospect for some goal scoring, Iyla Kovalchuck is probably available but would cost us a lot and unless we can guarantee an extension I wouldn't make that move and go after someone like Teemu Selanne who is probably in his last season but still has some left in the tank, line him up with Savard and he could be all we need and another good match would be to make a move with Tampa bay who will be looking to unload some salary Lacavalierre and Martin St.Louis will surely be available and be good fits here. with 23 wins and 54 points we hold the current 7th spot in the East. Until next week, See you at the rink.









What's the deal with saying someone is cute as a button. Are buttons all that cute? I think 'I've seen some pretty fucking ugly buttons in my lifetime.



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When I went to post this blog, I realized I had some stuff in the hopper for a blog post sometime at the end of June. Here's that shit:

Like I said in my last post, you give the Mailer Demons a topic and we'll take it and run with it. After our opposite movies exercise we took a song title and replace the word "love" with "muff". Here's what we came up with:

You Give Muff a Bad Name-Bon Jovi
Elton John - Can You Feel the Muff Tonight?
Crazy little Thing called muff
That's the way Muff goes - Janet Jackson
Bee Gees - how deep is your muff?
The Power of Muff
All you need is Muff
Leona Lewis - Bleeding Muff
I Want to Know What Muff Is - Foreigner
what is the color of muff- Billy ocean
I Would Do anything for Muff (but I won't Do that)
Muff is a Battlefield
Is this muff?
Sade - this is no ordinary muff
On the wings of muff
Cant help falling in Muff with you
Whitney Houston - Saving all my muff for you
Muff me do- Beetles
Mariah Carey - I had a vision of Muff
Baby I muff your way - Peter Frampton
Groovy kind of Muff- Phil Collins
Burning Muff- Elvis
muff you, you muff me- Barney
Muff me tender- Elvis
have you ever really muffed a woman- Bryan Adams
Muff Will Keep Us Alive - Eagles
Muff Shack
Never Knew Muff Like This Before
Best Of My Muff - Eagles
Can't Buy Me Muff- The Beatles
Sunshine Of Your Muff- Eric Clapton
Ready For Muff- Bad Company
Modern Muff- David Bowie
Stop in the name of muff
Muff Rollercoaster
Muff Train
Caribbean Queen (No more muff on the run)
What's Muff got to do with it?
You might as well face it, you're addicted to muff
Muff rescue me
Muff and Tenderness- Al Green
Another sad muff song
Can't get enough of your muff
Your just a muff machine
muff stinks
Bad Company - Feel like making muff
Cradle of Muff - Billy Idol
everlasting muff
when muff comes to town
muff comes tumbling down
so this is muff
what's so funny bout peace, muff and understanding - Elvis Costello
all my muff-led zeppelin
muff on the rocks
muff boat captain-pearl jam
you don't know what muff is(you just do what you're told)
muff reign over me
Muff in an Elevator
Shake Your Muff- Debbie Gibson
Back Door Muff Affair, ZZ Top
just called to say I muff you
Punchdrunk Muff sick Sing-along
Put a little muff in your heart
Muff will conquer all
you've got to hide your Muff away
Muff Potion Number 9
Higher Muff - Steve Winwood
Why do fools fall in Muff
Radar Muff
Muff Child
Stop in the name of muff
Muff me 2 times
Interstate muff song
I Cant make you muff me-Bonnie Raitt
I Need Your Muff So Bad - Fleetwood Mac F/ Sting
Easy muffer
Muff Machine
When a man muffs a woman
U2-Pride (In The Name of Muff)
Dumb Muff - Stone Temple Pilots
Muff is a wonderful thing - Michael Bolton
Only fools fall in muff.


What a disgusting disgrace that Michael Jackson memorial was. That was no memorial service. To the celebrities that attended it was another chance to get he mug on camera for promotional reasons and one more chance for the attention starved Jackson family to ride Michael's coat tails on his way into the ground. Since when to memorial services turn into red carpet photo opportunities? If it wasn't disgusting enough, AL Sharpton had to go and get on his soap box, yelling and screaming about god knows what, again turning the death of a black person into another opportunity to promote himself. Telling MJ's kids in front of a billion people that there father wasn't weird. Was it really the time or place? Not to mention MJ was in fact weird, very fucking weird. Turning your face from black to white and cutting your nose off is weird. Sleeping in the same bed as 12 year old boys whom you hardly know is weird. Having McCauley Caulklin and a chimp as your drinking buddies is weird. Spending over $40,000 a month on prescription drugs is weird. Then they drag out Jackson's poor 11 year old daughter to speak about how good a father he was. To an 11 year old who doesn't know better I'm sure he seemed like a fine father. In the years to come as she gets older she'll realize a man who kills himself with drugs, leaving his 3 kids in limbo isn't a good father at all, he's a cunt. So what if he's the greatest entertainer Earth has ever seen, he's also the biggest freak the Earth has ever seen. At best Jackson was a creep who let young boys sleep in his bed with him. At worst he's a diddler who preyed on boys who's parents were ok with letting Michael toss there sons salad as long as they were getting paid. So while Jackson was the greatest of entertainers he was also the greatest of twats. Good Riddance, lets recycle his plastic face and bury that fuck. Go to hell Jackson and take Al Sharpton with you.

At least 12 people committed suicide simply because fucking Michael Jackson died. What the fuck! I wanted to commit suicide just know I live in a world were people off themselves due to a freak pedophiles death.






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I know I've said this before, but this time I mean it. A new and improved post every week. With with added correspondents to add too Gootch's B's report. I have access to some of the top minds in sports, music and politics at my disposal and I intend to use them. But I need help from the readers as well. I need more comments about what has been posted or anything that you'd like the blog to cover.

Next week Corporations and special interest take complete fucking control of the country and 2012 Olympic Curling preview.





Thanks for reading and remember to vote on the poll below.

I'm Tallent, I approve of this message and run prevention.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Beantown Gestapo






















I now know why nobody has hardly ran against Menino all these years he's been in office. They've been afraid too and I don't blame them. Menino and his crew are just like the Mafia, if you cross them they'll use there power and resources to ruin you. It takes real balls if your a business owner to donate to rival of Menino, for most business owners it's just not worth it. One local bar who's name I won't mention (It's the opposite of the Shittiest Bar) lost almost 75 grand simply because the owner donated $500 to Michael Flaherty's campaign. Once the Mayors office got word, they came busting in with trumped up inspectional violations and closed them down for a few weeks. And of course proving that it is politically motivated is difficult and would costs tens of thousands more in attorney fees, and will bring so many more headaches for them and more lost revenue.
Game On at Fenway Park was going to host a fund raiser for Flaherty, until Menino's top lackey paid them a visit and warned them not to or they would face the same punishment as other establishments that dared to go against the Menino family.
Even Boston's beloved Drop Kick Murphy's can't escape the Menino klan. They came to lead singer Ken Casey's bar and demanded that Ken call Flaherty and tell him to stop using Drop Kick songs in his campaign video's(that's just immature). When Casey refused Menino's henchmen threatened the business, so you'd better get the Beckett Burger while you can.
Is it just coincidence that Dana Van Fleet's Place, who's owner is a known Menino supporter, hasn't received any violations even though there's been a stabbing, a bartender caught selling Yayo over the bar and of course the coat check disaster.
As soon as this blog post I fear that the Beantown Gestapo will kick down my door and kill my dog because I forgot to cross a "t" or dot an"i" on his $6 license application.















As much as I like Jerry Remy as color commentator for the Sox, we may have a Wally Pip situation. NESN needs to find a way to keep Eck in the booth when Remy comes back. Eckersley is too entertaining to be relegated to the post game shit that no one watches.


Reading the crawl on ESPN last night and it says "Vikings trainer, gives Farves tips to help shoulder" FUCK YOU WHO CARES! The trainer should be helping the teams quarterback. ESPN can stop it with the mystery stuff, everyone in the world knows that he's coming back to play for Minnesota. Farve is Bob Wiley and football fans across the country are millions of Dr.Leo Marvin's. He wont go away, he's like genital herpes, he worse than herpes, at least with herpes you can take Valtrex there's no Valtrex for Brett Farve.




And now the triumphant return of The Gootch's B's Report!


08-09 Boston Bruins season review

The Bruins are back! After finishing up strong the season before the B's were nearly unbeatable for most of the season finishing as the Best team in the East and lost a disappointing game 7 to the Carolina Hurricanes ( the one team I didn't want to play in the playoffs), the B's a very young and this was a great learning season they have the skill all over the ice and just a little bit more experience and this team will be raising the cup in no time. The newly resigned Chiarelli has some very tough decisions to make to keep the B's under the cap and maybe forced to deal away Kessel after signing the future super star Dave Krecji there is not much room left for anybody else. Look for the B's to take home several awards this year, Tim Thomas and Zdeno Chara should be walking home with some hardware. I'll Talk to you in October, See you at the rink!



I'm thrilled to announce that Michael Phelps picked up his first endorsement since a picture of him hitting a bong surfaced. Phelps was unfairly vilified and lost all his endorsements after the picture surfaced. Ted Kennedy drowns his girlfriend and he gets re-elected to senate 87 times, Michael Jackson fingers little boys, when he dies he's hailed as some kind of hero, but 22 year old Phelps gets chinky eyed with his friends after he gets back from winning 32 gold medals and he's a bad seed. The 14-time Olympic gold medal-winning swimmer signed a multiyear deal with H2O Audio, a San Diego-based maker of waterproof headphones and accessories. Now I have absolutely no need for such accessories but if I ever do I'll be buying H2O Audio. Another H2O Audio athlete is Olympic swimmer Natalie Coughlin, who quite frankly seems like a lovely young lady


As if Jessica alba needed to get more on my good side, she has now taken up a cause that I've been on all my life and is near and dear to my heart. Alba found herself in hot water last week when photos surfaced of her papering over a billboard as part of a guerrilla-style campaign for White Mike, an L.A.-based group aiming to raise awareness of the endangered great white shark. She quickly apologized for the "spontaneous and ill-advised stunt."





Twitter is just a fad that will soon pass, log it. They should of called it Twatter, then maybe it would have a longer shelf life.

Or maybe Shitter! HAHAHA. "The only way to get news out of Iran, is through "shitting".



So speaking on Iran. The people of Iran last week tried to do they right thing and vote out the crazy Islamic government, only problem is that there a crazy Islamic government and you just don't vote them out. Did the people of Iran really think they were going to get a far election? So they did what any mass of people who want to be heard of, they took it to the streets, which was all fine and good until the Ayatollah, the Supreme Leader in Iran condemned the protest as illegal and unleashed the pro-government Basij militia on those poor pricks and that's when things got ugly. Mass beat downs and shootings of the once peaceful protesters started immediately. Things came to a head when the death of the beautiful young Neda was captured and posted of Youtube. Now the protest have waned out of fear of being Neda'd or worse and things are slowly going back to status quo in Iran. The opposition still isn't giving up the fight but when the government has all the guns and tear gas along with the right to do anything they want, it's a fight that's not going to go the oppositions way.


I had the chance to speak to one Iranian protester who was luck enough to get away from the Basij. I asked how he got away away he told me, " So Iran, Iran so far away. Iran all night and day. I couldn't get away"


A lot of people have criticized President Obuma's reaction or lack there of to the Iran Crisis. This one area were I can't take the President to task. What is he supposed to do. Anything he does will be seen as meddling to the Muslim world.

But Mr.Obuma, this is the same thug regime that you want to give credence to by sitting down face to face with. Even after they called you a good ole House Nigger(there words not mine).

Check out this live blog from out of Iran:...live blogging from Baharestan Square in central Tehran today captures but brief glimpses of the unimaginable horror that took place today. Bus loads of protesters were stopped and unloaded from their buses by "black-clad police" and literally herded. When the massing was sufficient, as the barely controllably distraught Tehran caller to CNN described first hand, hundreds of the regime's Basij thugs poured out of an adjoining mosque and commenced a massacre with axes, clubs, guns and gas.
...
This is the Iranian regime, wading into its own unarmed people and axing them to death, bludgeoning women (seen as the greatest threat to the regime) and throwing them to their deaths from pedestrian bridges.




You frigin invite Iranian President Afterdinerjacket, the man behind these madness to your house on the Fourth of July for burgers and dogs.



All this going on and you don't hear a peep from the U.N. as usual. Is there still a U.N.? There shouldn't be, worthless piece of shit organization.





Eventually we'll here from B?IHKH!'s political correspondent Tax and get his take on the events in Iran but right now the Iranian authorities have barred journalists for international news organizations from reporting on the streets and ordered them to stay in their offices. Tax tried to email the story last week but was sucker punched in the mouth Murphy's Law style and got his blackberry seized.

I'm afraid we may see a similar situation right here in Boston. When Menino loses the election to Michael Flaherty, there's no doubt he'll ignore the election results and send out his hordes of yes men and meter maids to give street cleaning tickets to anyone that supports Flaherty.




















Transformers 2 is came out which gives me an excuse to post this:




















Speaking of sequels, if you give the MD's a silly subject we will absolutly take it and run with it. SO one day we get to calling out movie sequel titles that are pretty much the opposite of the originals. Here's what we came up with:
Amistad 2: The Love Boat
Robin Hood: Men in Leotards
What's throwing up Gilbert Grape
Armegeddon 2: armregretton making the first one
Carlito's Other Way
The Day the Earth Started Moving AgainStench of a Cunt
Broiled White Potatoes
national almpoons Personal day
Particular given Tuesday
The Shortest foot
Here with the Breeze
Live soft
The 41 year old guy who had sex before.
Notorious 2: Reputable
The Association of Ordinary Assholes
Things to Do in Denver When You're Paralyzed from the Waist Down
Even Betterfellas
Bowling ball run
Boogie Nights 2: Snot Days
When Harry Met Sally He gave her roofies
2 Crawled under the Vultures nest
Liam Neisan stars in "Returned"
Roots 2: this time tobey has a whip
King Kong 2: This Time He Eats the Bitch
Ferris Bulher's Double Shift
Sunday Night Soar Throat
Not Giving a Damn About Private Ryan
The Flamenco SuitcaseAll Cats Burn in HellDog on a cold steel floor
Nights of lightning
De-Frost/Kennedy
L. A everyone knows
A Non-Commissioned Soldier and an Asshole
*Batteries are definitely included
A few lousy boys
Buspoting
Adults
Larry of Irseal
It's loud as hell on the Eastern Front
Hardley Looking For Susan
Stephen King's: The Sit
Message in a Condom
Emails from Iwo Jima
The Decent, The Awful and The Handsome
Star War Episode VI: Return of the not so skilled
Sit and Recieve
Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs: Who brought rubbers?There will be bone marrow
A Future of Pacifist
Bus Driver
Some like it Luke Warm
Splash 2: no wake
Ernest doesn't go anywhere
Half cotton t shirt
Don't Tell Mom the Baby Sitter Was Just Sleeping
The Afterlife of a Salesman
Philidephia Two: It Was Just The Flu
Tomorrow dies constantly
Apocalypse Later
Shindler's other list: This time it's personal
You forgot about this Mohican"
Scarfacelift
Thin line between hate and hate
American History XI
There's something about Hitler
DC Trolley
The Clean 11
Brians Poem
Platoon 2 Electric Boogaloon
Dr. Do-everything around this house cause the wifes a lazy whore
Wrist Shot
Capture WillyPlenty of Country for Young Girls
Luxary Cat Trillionaire
Gentlemen Prefer Blowjobs
Color purple 2: the color green
Little Shop of Delightful Treats
Unforgivin 2: Wicked SorryJerry Maguire returns, Look at the Monneysober and completely awareThe world is to much
Scarfacelift
Ocean's None
Straighten it like Twellman
Down periscope 2: down syndrome
Save Bill
Fake Romance


Thanks to Tax, The Gootch, Jimmy, Face, Shamus and Fing Fang Foom


People know I love Frank Sinatra. But I got to say he's way off base in his song "Lady is Tramp".


Take a look at the lyrics and tell me exactly way this bitch is a tramp. (My comments in parathesis)


She gets too hungry, for dinner at eight (She should be hungary at 8, I'm looking for my 4th meal around that time)
She loves the theater, but doesnt come late (That's good, she's puntual)

She'd never bother, with people she's hate (Why would she bother with them, if she hates them)
Thats why the lady is a tramp


Doesnt like crap games, with barons and earls (So?)
Wont go to harlem, in ermine and pearls (That's smart, she doesn't want to get rolled for her ermine & pearls)


Wont dish the dirt, with the rest of those girls (Good, all the rest of those girls do is gssip)
Thats why the lady is a tramp


She loves the free, fresh wind in her hair (Is that a problem?)
Life without care

Shes broke, but its ok

She hates california, its cold and its damp (Who likes cold & damp?)
Thats why the lady is a tramp


Doesnt like dice games, with sharpies and frauds (Nobody wants to play a game with fraud)
Wont go to harlem, in Lincolns or Fords (Again smart, doesn't want her car stolen)

Wont dish the dirt, with the rest of those broads
Thats why the lady is a tramp


So those are the reasons the lady is a tramp? I'm not buying it. In my opinion Old Blue Eyes owes that lady an apology


If you a guy, you either a) love Eva Mendes or 2) are gay. There's no gray area.


























Now that they split up there going to have to change the name of the show to John & Kate: Masturbate


We know Michael Jackson is dead, but we still don't know if Annie's ok.


How do you lose a needle in a haystack and why would you even bother looking for it, just get another needle.


Thanks for reading

I'm Tallent, and I approve of this message