Ted's Head

Last week I had "pleasure" of taking a weekend cruise out to sea on the Norwegian Dream. Let me tell you, I would of rather been on the Titanic or even the RMS Lusitania.
The boarding of the ship was supposed to begin at 11:30 a.m. They didn't start the boarding until 1:30. Even though my group was at the very beginning of the line, by the time we got through the boarding process it was almost 3 P.M. After boarding, the ship had exactly one restaurant open for lunch. Since everyone on the ship stood in line through there normal lunch times, everyone on the boat went to that one restaurant, which created a crowed, uncomfortable, lousy situation.
Then my cousin received a Coors Light that tasted like a skunks grundle. We had all hoped this was an isolated incident, but unfortunately this was the norm. Out of a bucket of 6 Silver Bullets you'd be lucky to get 3 good ones. Actually you were lucky to get a drink at all. It took an average of 25-30 minutes to get a drink, but at least the servers were unpleasant. No one likes a bartender or waitress that smiles.I'll get back to the service and amenities in a minute but I got to tell you about the beautiful view we had for 7 hours while we sat in dry dock. A great view of the back of the Edison plant and some broken down piers. Being a Southie resident all my life I had always hoped to one day seen the other side of the Edison Plant.

So out to dinner we go, another long line to get a table, but by then we were used to that. We put in the order for the ordinary food they had, but I guess they thought the warm tap water they give you would be enough because no one bothered to ask if we wanted something to drink. After 3 trys to get a drink order we were informed, that even though the boat hadn't even moved from the dock, the ship was out of Coors Light, Bud Light & Miller Lite. So the beer choice was left to Amstel Light, Corona, and Bud, none of which had twist off caps, and I guess opening a beer was just to much to ask the bartender.
So when the boat finally moved, the captain decided to to drive the ship straight into a storm and drop anchor. While I was heading back to my room the first night, I was surprised that I was able to get drunk, even though I was only able to get a drink every 40 minutes. But then I realized that I wasn't drunk, I couldn't walk straight because the boat was rocking and shaking worse than Muhammad Ali.
Turns out all cruise ships have a stabilizer, in case of bad weather the whole boat doesn't get sick. In this case Norwegian, didn't feel like fixing there stabilizer.
I think it was a combination of the rough seas and drinking beers older than Mike Timlin, but I haven't been so sick since that Ronald Regan film. The whole boat was throwing up, it reminded me of the "Lard Ass" scene from stand by me.
So to sum up the trip. Lousy service, lousy amenities, lousy drinks, lousy food, lousy cruise line.

I'm not really a religious man but over the weekend my prayers were definitely with Sen. Ted
Kennedy who suffered 2 seizures. I prayed night and day, that he'd have 2 more seizures each one being worse than the next.
On a serious note it turns out Sen. Kennedy has a brain tumor, Even though the Governor of California disagrees with that diagnosis

I understand he's been in the Senate for 46 years but, there's entirely way too much news coverage for a guy that isn't even dead. You don't hear anything in the main stream media about Jaime Martinez, who's suffering from the same affliction. Jaime's cum created the greatest pitcher in the modern era of Major League Baseball, the world should recognize and honor him for that.

In North Carolina on Tuesday, John McCain outlined his judicial philosophy and vision.
As president, John McCain will look for accomplished men and women with proven records of excellence in the law and proven commitments to judicial restraint to serve on the federal bench. The proper role of the judiciary has become one of the defining issues of this presidential election. The next president will nominate hundreds of qualified judges to the federal courts and the impact of these choices will reach far into the future.
John McCain will bring care, thought and deliberation to the process of selecting his judicial nominees. The nominees will be men and women of experience, wisdom and humility who do their work with impartiality and honor. They will be faithful to the Constitution and understand that there are clear limits to judicial and federal power. Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Samuel Alito will serve as the models for John McCain’s judicial nominees.

Jimmy Skorner has struck again. Just weeks after breaking the news on the big Van Wilder, Scarlett Johannsen argument in Boston, Jimmy got the Rob Lowe farting on the Celtics scoop. With Boston becoming Hollywood east, it's great that a friend of B?IHKH! is fast becoming his own personal page 6. You can read Jimmy's at his blog http://freeu2tickets.blogspot.com/ and on Ball Faces.


Even when I was 12, I couldn't figure out why the New Kids on the Block were so successful. Now 16 years later and there back and shows are sold out from here to Whales Vagina. I just don't understand humans.

Birthdays
May 13th-Smoker, Joe Louis; great actor Harvey Keitel who starred in Tallent Choice Movies, From Dusk til Dawn, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs Taxi Driver and also very good movies Little Nicky, U571, & Copland; Famous singers, Stevie Wonder & Peter Gabriel; ex-NBA star Dennis Rodman, who if people don't know was a very good NBA player, border line Hall of Famer, and hot chick Sunny Leone
May 14th-Money grubbing Star Wars creator, George Lucas; actor Tim Roth who's stared in Tallent choice movies Four Rooms, Pulp Fiction & Reservoir Dogs, Roth stars in his most important role next month in the eagerly awaited Incredible Hulk Sequil; MLB star Roy Halladay
May 15th-MLB star pitchers John Smoltz & Josh Beckett; NFL greats Emmitt Smith & Ray Lewis and hot chick Jamie Lynn Sigler
may 16th-NY drunk Billy Martin, Bond Actor Pierce Bronson; Donna Martin

and hot chicks Janet Jackson, , Kaila Yu, and Megan Fox
May 17th-NBA star Tony Parker, & boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard
May 18th- Funny and Pretty Tina Fey
May 19th-Wrestler Andre the Giant, who also won an academy award for best supporting actor for his roll as Fezzek in, A Princess Bride; Celtics role player KG; Gas Man Scott Collins, & Seeker, Substitute and Pinball Wizard Pete Townshend
May 20th-Star of one of the greatest Movies of all time "It's a Wonderful Life" James Stewart; Joe Cocker, ahaha Cocker? I hardly know her! Wendy's founder Dave Thomas; and Deadwood star Timothy Olyphant.
May 21st-TV legend Mr.T; Honarable Judge Reinhol; & porn star Briana Banks
May 22nd-Reconstructive elbow surgery,Tommy John; crazy ass hot chick Naomi Campbell, and hot chick Katie Price.

Thanks for reading.

"I'm Tallent and I approve of this message and Cherry Coke"

Flomax & Flip Flops

I was a little sad to see McCain take a little step back from the comments he made, about wasteful spending being the cause of the bridge collapse in Minnesota a year ago. Maybe the best of all Johnny Boys tremendous attributes is his disdain for wasteful spending. Instead of rebuilding
infrastructure, state and federal government spend the money on studying beetle cum. The best and easiest way to get the economy back on track is to settle things in Iraq,(not by just up and leaving by the way)and to stop wasting millions on the National Belly Button Lint Museum.

McCain's economic vision stands in stark contrast with the visions of both Democratic presidential contenders, whose economic plans endorse exorbitant taxes and more bureaucracy than Alteron ever seen from the empire.

Eliminating earmarks and wasteful spending won't fill the hole completely, but it will free up tens of billions of taxpayer dollars and is only part of his wide-ranging economic plan. Transparency in the budget process also will allow Americans to see just how their hard-earned money is being spent and will call attention to leaks in the system.
McCain's economic plan also includes nixing corporate welfare and closing loopholes in the system. By focusing on eliminating the budget deficit and controlling undisciplined government spending, McCain's economic plan takes on much more responsibility for Americans' tax dollars.

I once again had a chance to sit down with Mr. McCain, and since he was buying the beers, I left the economy off the table and we disgust health care. I first asked McCain about his opponents health care plans and he had this to say. " As you know, both Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are touting outrageously expensive and unrealistic universal health care plans - a government monopoly over health care. Unlike my opponents, I do not believe that all of our nation's problems can be solved by turning control over to our government, with all the tax increases, new mandates and government regulation that come with that idea. " When I grilled McCain on why his plan was better, he responded by saying 'I believe the key to real reform is to restore control over our health care system to the patients themselves. Americans need new choices beyond those offered in employment-based coverage.
That's why, as president, I will seek to encourage and expand the benefits of Health Savings Accounts, tax-preferred accounts that are used to pay insurance premiums and other health costs. These accounts put the family in charge of what they pay for.
In addition, I will reform the tax code to provide every family the option of receiving a direct, refundable tax deposit - effectively $2,500 for individuals and $5,000 cash for families to offset the cost of insurance. "

I have to agree with Sen. McCain. The reality is that both Senator Clinton and Senator Obama, in their haste to garner support for their so-called "solutions," are promising more than they can deliver. And, once again, they are simply out-of-touch with the real problems facing our health care system and how to solve them.
Here are the facts: Under the Democrats' plan, we will have all the problems, and more, of the current health care system - rigid rules, long waits and lack of choices - and we risk degrading the system's great strengths and advantages, including the innovation and life-saving technology that make American medicine the most advanced in the world.


Did you know that the Iranian president gives all the young kids in his country cocaine. The reason being that they get hooked on the devils dandruff and if they become soldiers the Iranian government will supply them with all the yayo they want. No wonder Obama wants to "Sit down" with Mahmoud "Escobar" Ahmadinejad.

Chicago Bears Running Back Cedric Benson was arrested for driving a boat drunk. You shouldn't be arrested for that! You should be arrested for driving a boat sober. It's not a car, it's totally type of driving all together......... There are a lot less boats in the water than cars on the road. Not to mention there's a lot more room, especially in the ocean or a large lake.

Oh it's Cinco De Mayo, everyone go out and pretends you like corona, when in fact you would never drink it the other 364 days! So foolish, if you want to go out to celebrate a Mexican holiday so some reason, just drink what you usually drink, there's no need to pretend to you Corona, you don't pretend to be a Mexican.

Now that Disco has knocked out Mike Tyson and slayed Jaws. His next quest is to figure out what it is exactly Meatloaf won't do for love.

Heard a rumor that Dwayne Wade is banging Star Jones. If that's true, I have zero respect for Wade. Why would a rich, young NBA Superstar get in bed with a hideous monster like Jones

Not only is she uglier than a bag full of assholes, but she's a douche bag to boot. Marries a gay guy just to get free shit. Goes on the View and asks company's to sponsor her wedding to get free shit.

I wonder if I take that Flomax before I go out drinking, if it will prevent me from having to take a piss after each beer once my seal is broke.


I was back at Fenway the other night. The temperature was around 40, and it was pouring. Yet hundreds of people men & women still had flip flops on! What is this flip flop craze, people love these fucking things. I can see if it's hot out you don't want to get your feet sweaty and bogus, but it's cold and raining, why do you feel the need to show show off your toes.


100,00 people may have been killed in that cyclone in Myanmar, but it will always be Burma to me.

Birthdays
April 2nd-Top Electrician and Bag Piper Kenny Tallent, Bing Crosby, who with David Bowie sang the greatest Christmas song ever.






April 3rd-Hot Chick Kimora Lee Simons, Rock Legend James Brown

April 4th & 5th-No birthdays wortha dam

April 6th-One of the top 5 baseball players ever Willie Mays, Rock Legend Bob Seger, former UK Prime Minister and friend of the US Tony Blair, Actor George Clooney, NBA Superstar and should have been 07 MVP Chris Paul

April 7th-One of the greatest QB's ever Johnny Unitas, & deceased Wrestler Owen Hart "Enough is Enough and it's time for a change!"

April 8th-Bomb dropping President of the USA Harry S. Truman, comidic legend Don Rickles and hot chicks Jennifer Walcott & Josie Maran.


April 9th-Legendary singer & Drunk Billy Joel, hit machine Tony Gywnn, Wu Tang Member Ghost Face Killah, MLB superstar Brandon Webb & Hot Chick Rosario Dawson

April 10th-One Hit Wonder, Bono

April 11th Chick Hot Laetitia Casta

April 12th-Hall of Fame catcher Yogi Berra. Everyone thinks his little sayings were great, I think he's a fucking idiot.

Also on May 12th 1932; Over two months after he was kidnapped, American aviator Charles Lindbergh's baby is found dead; Lindbergh had paid the ransom on April 2.

That's fucked up man. If your going to kidnap a baby at least let him go after you get the ransom. I mean the kidnappers didn't even let the kid go when Lindbergh said.........

Thanks for reading

"I'm Tallent and I DO NOT approve of my President buying coke from terrorist"